Getting Old

A fun thing about getting old is that you think you're right about certain things.  No I'm not going into a long-winded thing about how at 34 I know everything and everyone younger than me is an idiot.  Much as I'd like to.

No, this piece is about how you get to a certain age and you think you know how to do things.  And then you find out that the way you do it is wrong.  For me this starting revelation came after a shower.  I did my standard shower schtick, finished and went to dry off.  I grabbed the towel and successfully dried my hair.  That done I moved Southward and found that I had one normal armpit, clean and wet and the other full of unrinsed soap.

It happens once and you shrug it off.  You think, well, I must've space out and skipped it.  This happened to me twice this week.  Perhaps I should've shrugged it off the second time, but instead I start thinking.  How often does this happen?  Do I always leave my right armpit unrinsed?

Then, because I like to overthink things, I start to wonder, what else have I been doing wrong all these years?  My wife criticized the way I drink from a glass.  "What are you going to make out with that thing?  You open your mouth too wide.  No wonder you take in so much air and end up belching."  Naturally, I look at her and tell her that I'm a grown man and I'll drink any damn way I want, but it made me wonder.

The last example I'll mention is a bit grosser, but this really happened.  I had a run to the bathroom mid-afternoon at work, definitely outside of my normal #2 schedule.  Taco Bell may have been responsible for this little stopover.  Anyway, after I destroyed the room and went through about half a roll of the industrial grade paper we use, I go to wash my hands.  Now, here's the gross part, and before you judge I will underscore the point that I was going to wash my hands.  I turn on the tap and pump some soap, with my non-wiping hand, naturally, and I look down to wash.  I see a small spot of brown on my white hand.  I wash my hands twice and get on with my life.  But it makes me think:  is there something wrong with my technique.  Do I need to rethink the way I have wiped my backside for the past many years?

People try to pinpoint the instant once you've gotten old.  Maybe that point is when you say, "I don't care if I get crap on my hands, I've been wiping my ass this long, I'll keep doing it my way.